I'm sorry, I can't wrap my head around the "muscle pull" diagnosis that I came home from the hospital with. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I couldn't BREATHE for heaven's sake! Pressure around my ribs...anyway, none of it makes sense. It has been suggested that perhaps my muscles are being used so differently due to the rearranging of my guts and how I move and hold my body since the pain and bloating are gone, compared to before with the constant pain. This may hold a little more water, but there is another theory - not put forth by the doctor - that makes more sense.
My friend Connie suggested this could be part of a detox, something that doctors don't acknowledge or discuss. I have been losing weight quickly, releasing toxins stored in body fat, plus I gave up caffeine cold turkey the day before my surgery on December 1st, plus I was on so many heavy-duty painkillers through much of December that were trying to get out of my system...this makes a lot of sense also, that getting rid of all of the effects and toxins from caffeine and drugs and whatever is being left as the fat is going - well, wherever fat goes.
Since I have been out of the hospital, the dyspnea has been improving. However, my chest still feels pressure, and tight inside, like I can't take a deep breath. I can, but it feels like I can't, and there is tightness when I do. And I have to push and force out the last of the air. And I am fatigued. And I have pain around my ribs.
Today I had a fundoplication-related issue. Drank some chocolate milk, and the pain was horrible! My stomach wanted to sent it back but since the surgery nothing can come back up. I was near tears, and there's nothing to do. I took a Zofran but how can I tell if it helped? It didn't give me relief, but maybe kept it from being even worse...but that was one miserable half-hour.
And today I started with a UTI as well. I'm drinking tons of water (and a little decaf tea)...taking cranberry (3000 mg every few hours)...taking OTC phenazopyridine hydrochloride tablets...but it has been miserable, as only those who have suffered from these can understand.
Between all of the above, I just feel like a sick person. I thought by this time, over 5 weeks post op, I would be feeling better than I have in years, not like a sick person. But I want to go to bed and sleep until it is all fixed and better and I can feel and act and BE healthy...
The black depression seems to have started lifting. It started to lift, oddly enough, in the hospital. I have some theories as to why, but they're probably wrong anyway. I have felt, for the last few days, merely "blue" which is an improvement over "black". I even played my keyboard today, the first time I have actually wanted to play, or felt inspired to play, in weeks. And I'm starting to feel I want to get back to cooking and creating in my kitchen. I have a ways to go to get back to joy, but it will come, if this path continues. God is hearing the prayers of those who are interceding for me, and my own.
And now I'm going to make another post, about Sleepee...
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