Some Health Thoughts, and Other Miscellany

I'm sorry, I can't wrap my head around the "muscle pull" diagnosis that I came home from the hospital with. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I couldn't BREATHE for heaven's sake! Pressure around my ribs...anyway, none of it makes sense. It has been suggested that perhaps my muscles are being used so differently due to the rearranging of my guts and how I move and hold my body since the pain and bloating are gone, compared to before with the constant pain. This may hold a little more water, but there is another theory - not put forth by the doctor - that makes more sense.

My friend Connie suggested this could be part of a detox, something that doctors don't acknowledge or discuss. I have been losing weight quickly, releasing toxins stored in body fat, plus I gave up caffeine cold turkey the day before my surgery on December 1st, plus I was on so many heavy-duty painkillers through much of December that were trying to get out of my system...this makes a lot of sense also, that getting rid of all of the effects and toxins from caffeine and drugs and whatever is being left as the fat is going - well, wherever fat goes.

Since I have been out of the hospital, the dyspnea has been improving. However, my chest still feels pressure, and tight inside, like I can't take a deep breath. I can, but it feels like I can't, and there is tightness when I do. And I have to push and force out the last of the air. And I am fatigued. And I have pain around my ribs.

Today I had a fundoplication-related issue. Drank some chocolate milk, and the pain was horrible! My stomach wanted to sent it back but since the surgery nothing can come back up. I was near tears, and there's nothing to do. I took a Zofran but how can I tell if it helped? It didn't give me relief, but maybe kept it from being even worse...but that was one miserable half-hour.

And today I started with a UTI as well. I'm drinking tons of water (and a little decaf tea)...taking cranberry (3000 mg every few hours)...taking OTC phenazopyridine hydrochloride tablets...but it has been miserable, as only those who have suffered from these can understand.

Between all of the above, I just feel like a sick person. I thought by this time, over 5 weeks post op, I would be feeling better than I have in years, not like a sick person. But I want to go to bed and sleep until it is all fixed and better and I can feel and act and BE healthy...

The black depression seems to have started lifting. It started to lift, oddly enough, in the hospital. I have some theories as to why, but they're probably wrong anyway. I have felt, for the last few days, merely "blue" which is an improvement over "black". I even played my keyboard today, the first time I have actually wanted to play, or felt inspired to play, in weeks. And I'm starting to feel I want to get back to cooking and creating in my kitchen. I have a ways to go to get back to joy, but it will come, if this path continues. God is hearing the prayers of those who are interceding for me, and my own.

And now I'm going to make another post, about Sleepee...

Day 28 - A L - O - N - G Day!

(NOTE: If you are seeing this on Facebook, please go to my blog - chiachatter.blogspot.com - to see my whole post. I don't make my points in the first paragraph, which is all that shows up on my Facebook page :).)

Pete had business down in Saginaw today, plus it was his 60th birthday, so we had a day trip. We also had our almost-21-month-old grandson with us since his mom had to work.

First let me say that since mid-October neither Pete nor I have been working. Pete had a surgery that didn't allow him to do his job so they let him go, and my job is seasonal; I only work from April-Oct. So things have been really tight, but our needs have been met by the faithful and loving Father we serve. Still, Pete has been desperately looking for work. He's applied, tested, interviewed for jobs but nothing. Then he had an interview yesterday with a small company that he came home and raved about, saying that he felt all of his experience in the past was leading to this position. And apparently they thought so too; we were on our way to Saginaw when they called to tell him he got the job!

So we had reason to celebrate. I haven't eaten in a restaurant since my surgery, and was a little wary, but all went well. (See my post about this at my other blog.) Then he took care of his business at the V.A. while grandson and I played in the lobby. The hour passed very quickly. After that we went to Pete's sister's house and visited for about an hour, then to a large thrift store. While there, though, I started to crash: stomach pain, weakness, light-headed...I knew I needed food but this seemed to be, to me, an extreme reaction to an empty belly! Still, I couldn't deny it and we had to go, even though I had to leave many more bargains behind...

Went to Midland on the way home so I could pick up some food for my parrots from Soldan's, then ate a light supper at the Texan, filled up the gas tank ($47!!!!), and headed for home.

Most days I feel good early in the day, then lose stamina and start experiencing discomfort about midway through. Today was no different except that I didn't just start losing stamina and experiencing discomfort - I hit a brick wall and wanted to drop, right there, and just curl up on the floor. That was really disconcerting...

I'm still trying to deal with, and figure out, all of these feelings and how/why I am such a stranger to myself. All of the hours in the car gave me plenty of time to think, and I'm still no closer to answers. A depressed, sad person has taken up residence in my head and pushed me aside, and each day is no better, in fact today was a little worse even while I was enjoying being with hubby and grandson, and all the things we were doing on our day trip. It is all so very bizarre.

I am pleased and praising God today for His working in our lives, and am really excited that we will once again be able to support His work! And Pete's new job, well only God could have matched him up with a position that is such a perfect fit. I am glad and thankful for all of these things as they float atop the sad feeling like a shiny new boat cruises on the surface of dark waters.

I love my husband so much.

Day 27

(NOTE: If you are seeing this on Facebook, please go to my blog - chiachatter.blogspot.com - to see my whole post. I don't make my points in the first paragraph, which is all that shows up on my Facebook page :).)

Still sad and disinterested. Don't even know what to write about. Stresses in life are taking their toll I guess. I looked up depression after surgery in the wee hours of the morning and it is definitely an issue for people who have had major surgeries. I've been having very vivid, very strange dreams at night also; I usually don't even remember my dreams, if I even have them, so this is off-putting to me as well. Plus add the high level of stress in my home right now, I guess I get it. But wish I didn't have to. I need to burrow my nose into the Word is what I need to do. Get some perspective back through the Word and prayer.

More pain across my belly today than in a week or more, but also have other things going on lower in my digestive tract that have been an issue for a few years so I think that's part of it. That, and handling my almost-30# grandson, and moving the loveseat away from the wall when my dog was getting into trouble behind it. (If my gut can withstand the impact of the steering wheel in a collision without undoing the fundoplication at 3 weeks post-op, then I guess I needn't worry too much about a toddler right? Even if he does make me pretty sore.)

Nothing else new to report. Makes me wonder why I wrote anything at all today, other than that it is a habit. The way I feel isn't like me, I'm not like this. Get over it, Sherry.