Thursday, November 18, 2010

Less Than Two Weeks....

...and as soon as I realized that, within seconds of opening my eyes this morning, I developed an instant headache and nausea. Instant. I talked to God about it, it isn't that I don't trust Him (how could I not?)...but putting myself into the hands of people in a profession that has betrayed and even damaged me in the past is overwhelming. I felt a sense of panic. What will happen to me when I am at their mercy? Thankfully I am here as a result of God's mercy, and His trumps theirs...but the headache and nausea remain.

I had my telephone pre-registration appointment this morning. Her name was Linda. She has parrots too. Discussing them set me at ease before the actual began. She was very nice, good sense of humor, going through medical issues herself - I liked her. Until the end. I can't wear my wedding rings (yes, I have 2 bands, a story for another time), and they are so adamant about that that if I show up for surgery with my rings on, it will be canceled. She said they are dead serious about that. My heart started racing, I felt panic, and like I needed to run away. She told me that if they won't come off (and they won't, no matter WHAT you try - trust me on this!) they need to be cut off. CUT OFF?!?!?!? I started to freak out; she went from pleasant to insistent and was approaching dictatorial, at least from my perspective. I couldn't wait to get off the phone and try to pretend it didn't happen. Pete assured me that the jeweler will be able to put the rings back together afterward so I can wear them again. He'd better, if he can't then I don't know what I will do...this is perhaps the most awful thing I've heard yet.

Maybe you - whoever you are - don't "get" my feelings about all of this. Of course you don't know my history or my past, or me, well enough to understand it. That's ok. Just accept at face value that there are good reasons for these panics-alternating-with-periods-of-acceptance-even-if-not-CALM-acceptance. I need to get through the next less than 2 weeks, and better than I am doing it today.

Less than 2 weeks. The symbols of my strongest earthly bond taken off. Less than 2 weeks. The unexpected. Less than 2 weeks. At the mercy of people I don't trust. Less than 2 weeks...less than 2 weeks...less than 2 weeks...

1 comment:

  1. (((((HUGS))))) I understand about having to take off your rings... We had been married 3 1/2 years when I had surgery and had to take mine off the first time. I was so nervous about the surgery! I had never even met the doctor doing it. I had no peace (I was also backslidden). The one thing I clung to was my wedding band. It wasn't until I got there the morning of my surgery that they told me I had to take them off. I didn't know if I could! "No problem. If you can't take them off, we'll cut them off for you." ?!?!?! I ended up being able to get them off but I was NOT happy about it! And I made sure to get them back on ASAP! Yep, been there... And with both births too. Pray through it. Through every little nagging fear and worry. And accept the peace when He gives it to you. Not IF. WHEN :-)